Caught up with Jo the other day and filled her in on how I felt before the Kitchen Appliance Company meeting. She said it sounds like a panic attack.
My initial reaction was OMG I've never had a panic attack before! What if I always get them now before big meetings? I won't be able to cope with going anywhere new now. Clive will have to take on all my meetings or worse still get Louise to step in for me. What will happen then if I can't do my job properly anymore?
It took Jo a while to calm me down. Although I've calmed down now I'm still pretty worried.
I've decided to write down here a few notes on what Jo said so I've got it to refer to...she's such a help at putting things into perspective.
To summarise, Jo mentioned 3 things that she says it sounds like I'm doing;
1. Filtering out the positive and focusing on the negative
2. Catastrophising
3. Over generalising
Now I think I recognise all these from a book I partially read ages ago and that's still sitting on the bookcase in the hallway but I can't really remember what they mean. Might have to pull it out again.
Filtering out the positive focusing on the negative
Jo said it sounds like I've forgotten or I'm ignoring all the plus points from the meeting; such as the way I recovered from how I was feeling in the lift in time for the meeting, how successful the meeting actually was and how I managed to tie down the delivery schedules for what on all accounts it a very tricky client.
I think Jo could tell I wasn't really convinced so we ran through a very quick list of "positive vs negatives". Splitting it out so obviously like this did make it clearer to see that although some parts of the day and meeting weren't ideal, overall it was a good job done.
Catastrophising
Jo gently pointed out that I might be blowing things out of proportion and letting my imagination run a bit wild by thinking about the very worst case scenario. When pushed, I did have to confess that it's highly unlikely that Clive will strip me of all my clients and give them to Louise as he seems quite happy with the work I'm doing to the moment. Jo highlighted that thinking about the future and trying to second guess what might go wrong is likely to lead me to looking for the disasters linking me straight back to filtering out the positive and focusing on the negative.
Over generalising
Jo pointed out that just because I've had what sounds like a panic attack at this meeting, doesn't mean that's going to be the pattern for every future meeting. Jo suggested that this could just as well be a one off incident brought on by untimely shampooed guinea pigs! I had to chuckle! She wisely warned me of the danger of my labeling myself as "someone who has panic attacks before big meetings" as one, this has only ever happened once and I've attended more meetings that I wish to remember and two, it's not going to help my mood and confidence next time I have an important meeting.
So there I have it, wise words for me to look back on when and if I need to.
I find when it's happening to me it's all encumbering but I guess Jo is that bit more distanced from the problem that she can look at it in a more neutral way. Jo pointed out that I'd done the same for her in the past when she was having a period of self doubt following a job change. I'd completely forgotten....or it that me filtering out the positives?!
Work
Feeling up and down but trying to focus on the positive things I'm getting done
Family
We had the school open evening last night and it was so great to see the kids proudly showing us their work.
Social
Fab to catch up with Jo though I feel bad for unburdening all my stuff onto her.
Well-being
I've decided to try and write down at least one good thing that has happened each day. I had started to think about this a few weeks ago but if I'm honest, I'd only been doing it halfheartedly. Writing it down will make it more real.
Hannah Fox is a character. She is based on our years of experience working for a national mental health charity supporting people facing stress in the workplace. The names and characters are not based on any one person and all similarities are purely incidental. However, hopefully we can all see a little bit of ourselves in Hannah.
Point to Ponder
Have you ever found yourself falling into any of the above unhelpful thinking patterns?
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